In our Master Your Mind session last month, we talked about how the holidays can bring up a lot. Joy and connection, yes. But also pressure, expectation, and old dynamics that bring up feelings we thought we’d outgrown.

This time of year often reveals the emotional patterns still living in the background. Family dynamics that push your buttons. Social comparison that creeps in when everyone seems to be doing it better. Or that internal guilt when you want to slow down but your mind is still saying, "You should be doing more."

Here are some simple ways you can change the feeling of overwhelm to being grounded and present in difficult situations or conversations.

This mindfulness-based approach gives you space to pause, reconnect with yourself again, and emotionally prepare for the season ahead.

We don’t just want to ‘get through it’, we want to choose how to feel, respond and relate to others. Not just in the holidays but always.

These techniques work in any challenging situation with family, friends or colleagues. So just switch out the ‘holiday’ content for whatever you’ve got going on right now…

When the nervous system is in charge

The brain is wired to keep us safe. When someone pushes a boundary, changes a plan last minute, or we feel responsible for someone else's happiness, the nervous system can jump into ‘threat mode’ before our thinking brain even comes online.

This isn’t a personal flaw. It’s your biology. And the good news is that biology can be trained.

When we practise mindfulness, we develop a new relationship with that automatic reaction. We can learn to spot our patterns before they hijack us. This gives us a chance to respond with clarity and care. Instead of pouncing on a reaction that doesn’t feel good.

You are not trying to become someone who simply never reacts. You’re training the muscles of choice.

Spotting your patterns

The first step here is to become aware. Write your answers to these questions. Take your time.

What were your top 3 "doozies" from last year?

Maybe a moment you regretted, the conversations you wish had gone differently, or the times you felt triggered or shut down.

What happened in those moments?

What did you feel?

And what were you not getting in that moment that you needed?

Try not to blame yourself here. This exercise is about being more aware of what winds you up, how to react to that feeling, and what it tells you.

Our behavioural patterns are inherited or unconsciously practised for years. So we can see this as an opportunity to choose differently in the future.

Writing a new script

One of the most powerful tools you can use to guide you with your new choice is to write your own scene.

How you want to experience those tricky moments.

It helps to give you emotional clarity in advance, so you’re not caught off guard.

Think about the moments that might cause tension — a certain comment from a relative, a disagreement around plans, or feeling responsible for everyone’s enjoyment.

Now write your own intentional response:

When this happens...

I notice I start to...

Instead, I will… (e.g. take a breath, feel my feet, drop my shoulders)

I remind myself… (e.g. this is their story, not mine; I don’t have to pick this up)

I choose to... (e.g. stay grounded, soften my response, reconnect with myself)

Regulating before the moment arrives

When you move through the holidays with these attitudes, you create the emotional conditions for ease.

You are no longer at the mercy of other people’s moods or the schedule running late. You have access to your own centre. You can respond with intention.

Before you step into those tricky dynamics, full calendars or emotional conversations…

These mindfulness attitudes will help you to anchor yourself. They’re ways of being you can practise and feel into in daily life:

🧘 Non-judgement

Notice your reactions without criticising yourself.

“I’m feeling tense, and that’s OK.”

⏳ Patience

Allow time for new patterns to take root.

“I don’t need to get this perfect today. I’m learning.”

👀 Beginner’s Mind

Stay curious instead of defensive.

“I wonder what’s really going on here?”

💫 Trust

Trust your inner wisdom and your capacity to respond differently.

“I’ve got tools. I can use them.”

🚫 Non-striving

Let go of trying to fix or control everything.

“I don’t need to manage everyone’s emotions.”

🫶 Acceptance

Meet reality as it is, not how you wish it was.

“This is how things are today. I can meet it calmly.”

🍂 Letting Go

Release your mental script and tight grip on how it ‘should’ be.

“I release the story and come back to what’s real.”

Put this into practice

Pick one of these attitudes to practise each day. Let it guide how you respond to small things. It can be a comment, a change of plan, or a quiet moment. These are your emotional anchors.

Letting go of control

Control is often a coping mechanism. When we feel anxious or vulnerable, we grip tighter. We plan, we prepare, we overthink. But control is not the same as care.

Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re creating space, and you’re not bracing against what might happen.

That space makes room for generosity. Towards others and yourself.

The mindfulness attitude of generosity invites you to offer yourself more grace than usual.

Let go of one old expectation or emotional pattern. And choose one small moment where you act from your values, not your autopilot.

This is how the holidays become nourishing instead of exhausting.

When we feel vulnerable or overwhelmed, it’s normal to grip tighter.

To plan, to manage, to anticipate. But control isn’t care — it’s protection.

Letting go does not mean you don’t care. It means you stop bracing for what might happen. This creates space.

For generosity towards others, but especially towards yourself.

Embody an attitude of generosity

❤️ Offer yourself more grace than usual.

Rest. Pause. Take longer to reply. You don’t need to earn your ease.

🧠 Let go of one old belief or inner rule.

Maybe “I must keep everyone happy.” Or “I can’t say no.” Choose one to loosen your grip on.

🌱 Choose one small moment where you act from your values, not from autopilot.

A kind reply. A moment of silence instead of reacting. A pause before saying yes.

These shifts sound small, but they are powerful. They give you a chance to feel nourished instead of exhausted.

Use your moment of choice

This really is your superpower.

There is always a tiny space between what happens and how you respond.

Even if it’s just a breath, it’s there. And the more you practise using that space, the more steady and powerful you become.

Next time you feel your shoulders tense or your mind spiral, try this simple practice:

Notice the trigger

This is the moment something pushes your buttons.

Pause

Take one slow breath. Exhale longer than you inhale.

Feel your body. Ground yourself. Drop your attention into your feet, your hands, your breath.

Ask yourself; What matters most right now?

Who do I want to be in this moment?

Respond with intention

From clarity. From choice. From calm.

Your presence is enough

You don’t have to manage everyone, fix old dynamics or perform festive joy.

You get to choose your peace.

One pause, one breath, and one small and steady choice at a time.

This is the skill that changes relationships, boundaries and your inner world.

So as you move through the holidays, and life for that matter, may you meet whatever arises with:

✨ Presence

✨ Softness

✨ And the freedom to respond from who you are becoming.

A final reminder

There is always a moment of choice before you react.

It might be a tiny gap, half a second. But it’s definitely there.

And the more you practise noticing that moment, the more powerful it becomes.

When you pause your nervous system, soften your expectations, and choose who you want to be, you shift everything.

This is not about avoiding conflict or becoming a saint. It’s about choosing your own peace, one breath at a time.

This is the skill that changes relationships, helps you enforce your boundaries, and lets you enjoy the season from a place of grounding.

So whatever the holidays bring this year, may you meet it with presence, softness, and the freedom to respond in a way that feels aligned with who you are becoming.

Want to join next month's Master Your Mind session on Zoom?

Find out more about The Women Entrepreneurs Group here. 

* illustration is by the talented @gemmacorrell